I admire people who have clear directions for their lives, who live with purpose, and know what they are going to achieve. However, there are also people who still get lost, and I am one of them.
Since I got into university, I always wrote resolutions, even though I was never going to follow through. At least back then, I knew what I wanted. Unlike now, I don’t even know what I truly want.
I expected a lot, which is why I no longer believe in myself — because I got nothing in return. I no longer believe in fortune because I have been so unfortunate. I no longer believe in miracles because they won’t happen for me. I no longer believe in hard work because no matter how hard I try, everything slips away anyway.
I don’t want to be like a dead fish that flows along with the current, despite the fact that I already feel dead inside. Whether I want to or not, I have to accept whatever I’m facing or whatever is coming. But that doesn’t mean I’m used to the pain; I’ve just learned how to bear it better.
I no longer write New Year’s resolutions or expect to achieve anything in 2021. I’m fed up with my messy life, with problems coming from every direction. I really have no goal this year — I just want to wipe the dark clouds away from my sky so I can finally see the sunshine.
I understand that everyone has different problems to deal with, and so do I. My life has been so tough that I barely discuss it with anyone because nobody would understand the situation I’m in anyway.
I just hope 2021 will help me overcome all my bad luck and grant me better times so that I can find the courage to write resolutions as I used to.
